Marriage therapists open up and talk about the most common problems they’ve come across and the best way to deal with them.
1. They complain about their spouses’ tendency to complain.
Guys don’t like to open up during therapy, but when they do the first thing they’ll complain about is how their wife likes to complain.
Clinical psychologist Tim Cavell says it has to do with the definition of complain ”It’s ‘to state that one is suffering or in pain.’ So to complain is to say that you’re vulnerable or weak. Most men don’t do that.”
Cavell says that couples should phrase their complaints as requests instead and follow basic rules of communication “For instance, taking turns talking and making I-statements instead of you-statements.”
2. They’re bored with their spouses.
Psychotherapist Abby Rodman states that “These men aren’t talking about their sexual interest waning — although that’s a byproduct of the real issue — but rather that their wives no longer make efforts to enrich their own lives through self-improvement, professional growth or new interests. I want to be clear that these men aren’t jerks; they really, really want to be connected to their wives in meaningful ways but instead come home every night to partners who only complain about driving carpool and work.”
These men aren’t talking about their sexual interest waning — although that’s a byproduct of the real issue.
She thinks spouses should cultivate new hobbies together and book weekend trips together to
“I also remind them that they found their wives interesting once and that it’s imperative they find the time — and make the commitment — to rediscover their spouse.”
3. They think their spouses are bored with them.
But it can also go the other way Jim Walkup, a marriage and family therapist says.
“When husbands come in for therapy after an affair, they will confess, ‘I just didn’t think my wife cared.'”
“Most couples do not get around to a discussion of how much they matter to one another,” he said. “Perfunctory ‘I love yous’ do not suffice. Real attention to the temperature of the marriage makes a difference — and the discussion will head off his sense that you’ve gotten lost with your children or your job and he doesn’t matter. One partner’s lack of concern may make the other susceptible to an affair with someone who does care”