Don’t worry, this isn’t a tragic story, despite it starting as one.
When a text conversation ends with “Do not tell the world about this” you know that’s your moment to go screenshotting the whole thing and throwing it online for the whole world to see.
This story starts off innocent enough, just a dad giving his kids a situation report on their lost cat, and to cheer their mum up any way they can. Suddenly things take a sudden dramatic turn and the story becomes a messed up charade. You’ve gotta love it.
You guys would not believe the roller coaster of emotions I've been through pic.twitter.com/aqdeI3a4ox
— Eric Schmidt (@TalkingSchmidt) November 17, 2015
Dad: “I’ve got some bad news. Kitty has been missing since last night. When your mom drove the neighborhood just now, she found her in the street near the house. Your mom is pretty emotional so please reach out when you can and offer your support.”
Son: “Oh no. So sorry to hear this.”
Sister: “Man. Just got off the phone with her-she’s definitely very broken up about it. Give her our love in person when you get home, dad. And be sure to get the woman her groceries. Love you guys!
Dad: Well your not going to believe this. After a beautiful burial service and words of rememberance from yours truly. We walked back in the house to begin our post-Kitty life. Out of habit I looked out the back window and guess who was staring back at me? You guessed it. We buried someone else’s cat. I guess it’s true-cats do have nine lives. Thanks for your kind words. All is better now.
Sister: Is this for real?!
Dad: “Would you like a photo?”
Son: “What the actual fuck”
Mum: “Oh and BTW, I dug up the carcass and took it to our vet and it didn’t have a chip in it. Because it’s a rabbit. DO NOT tell the world about this.