Everyone dreams of a happy ever after in a relationship with someone who compliments them and brings a new set of skills to the relationship. Imagine you are seeking this, you go on a date and start to believe in love at first sight, until he opens his mouth and starts talking about how hot he thinks he is. His arrogance can be enough to make you excuse yourself for the bathroom and squeeze out the window, even though he is attractive and a healthy fitspo guy. It sounds stupid, would we really let one negative personality trait wash away all of his great traits? Yes. Yes we would.
A study found that when we are evaluating potential mates, we give more weight to their negative qualities than we do to their positive ones. Just one or two negative qualities can be enough to put people off pursuing a relationship.
The deal breakers? Here they are in no particular order.
- unhealthy lifestyle
- undesirable personality traits
- differing religious beliefs
- limited social status
- differing mating strategies
- differing relationship goals
In a statement, one of the study’s authors Gregory Webster said “We have a general tendency to attend more closely to negative information than we do to positive information.”
This way of weeding out potential mates is more common in women, who are more likely to be effected by deal breakers and it was also a bigger issue in committed relationships. I guess this is why females bring up everything their partner did and does when they are arguing.
The tricky part is that a deal breaker for one person could be a deal maker for the other. I guess that is where the concept of a soul mate comes from, all of the traits align and you are in love with the impulsive, brown-eyed, gym bunny that some other person threw away.