There are many things that make us feel happy and satisfied in our relationship, but the biggest question the experts want us to ask is, how healthy is our relationship? Are we thriving and growing as a partnership and as an individual?
The experts from the University of Miami Blaine Fowers came up with a Relationship Flourishing Scale, in their study that was published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
This scale goes beyond previous tests, which focus on the ‘satisfaction’ of and hedonic dimension of a relationship – in other words the pleasure and happiness. The new test focuses on the eudaimonic dimension – in other words the human flourishing that happens in the relationship. For example, how the couple grows together, how they sets and achieve goals together and whether they prioritise their partner more than themselves.
It might sound a little intense but as the experts noted; couples are living together faster and longer in today’s society and as a result “they mature together and shape one another’s identity and habits… creating a shared history and shared goals that often transcend individual satisfaction”
So, are you and your partner really ‘happy’, are you constantly feeling more and more fulfilled?
Here are the questions the team came up with:
1. I have more success in my important goals because of my partner’s help.
2. We look for activities that help us to grow as a couple.
3. My partner has helped me to grow in ways that I could not have done on my own.
4. It is worth it to share my most personal thoughts with my partner.
5. When making important decisions, I think about whether it will be good for our relationship.
6. It is natural and easy for me to do things that keep our relationship strong.
7. Talking with my partner helps me to see things in new ways.
8. I make it a point to celebrate my partner’s successes.
9. I really work to improve our relationship.
10. My partner shows interest in things that are important to me.
11. We do things that are deeply meaningful to us as a couple.
12. I make time when my partner needs to talk.
The questions can be separated into four different categories of a ‘relationship flourishing’.
Goal sharing= 1, 6, 10
Personal growth= 2, 3, 7
Meaning= 5, 9, 11
Relational giving= 4, 8, 12
Of course, relationships vary, as do people’s desires but this test is one of the most dynamic ways to test your relationship satisfaction and help you figure out what else you would like to gain. This test isn’t made to make you feel bad about your relationship, rather, it is there to help you and your partner grow and give each other what you are really after.