Science says Mr. Right Ain’t Just Around the Corner

Are you constantly looking for Mr. Right? Yeah, so am I.

Do you have ridiculous, impossible, contradictory standards that you want in a guy? It’s OK, so do I.

From the videos that encapsulate why girls are crazy by Nicole Arbour, we can understand and agree that, despite it being a humorous video, it is true – we are bats**t crazy. We also have crazy out-of-reach ideals for our perfect man.

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Alexa Mardello uses a childhood game called Manhunt as an analogy that is indicative of our future.

The rules of Manhunt are as follows: one team hides while the other team hunts. It’s predator and prey, or in relationship terms that we can relate to as adult women, the chase and the catch. Most of the time, these tiggy/tag games are played as Girls vs. Boys. When our pre-pubescent selves are in hunt mode, we, in essence, emulate our future adult behaviour to hunt out the Mr. Right that is in hiding.

When it’s the boys’ turn to hunt for the “prey”, we make ourselves pretty easy to discover because we want to be found. We love to be “caught” by our crush. These days when we’re playing the field, women set impossible standards on men that they basically have to be mind-reading Gods to be your perfect Mr. Right.

Mardello says it all. There’s the sexy and dangerous guy who you know is so bad for you and detrimental for your pride and self-respect but you just keep going back for more! Before you even think about the “chemistry” between you and this divine creature, you immediately fall for the sex appeal that is 100% lust. He’s the high from the drug, the adrenaline rush and all you can think about is climbing him like a tree. He’s a notorious playboy that you know will play you like a little yoyo. He’s a real life John Mayer or Leo or Chuck Bass. It always ends horribly, makes you suffer from misandry and scars you for life.

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On the other hand, the nice guy provides you with all the TLC that you deserve. This sounds like the perfect man but here’s the “problem”: it’s boring. No chase, no games, no fun. My bestie has the ultimate boyfriend it’s unbelievable a man of that calibre even exists: he’s utter perfection. I always say, “I just want Tom (her boyfriend’s name)… but with an edge.”

“We want the heartbreakers… without the heartbreak.”

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We want sexy, masculine, confident, articulate, rich, talented man with good genes who will provide, care and love you monogamously until your dying day. He also needs to make your heart race and have good paternal instincts for your love child and be able to provide you with a giant house and white picket fence. Is that too much to ask for?! No! I don’t think so! Maybe. Just a little bit. Yes. I’m going to die alone with 90 cats, aren’t I?

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Relationship Coach Virginia Clark tells us that our “wishful hoping” is one of the key reasons why it takes so damn long for us to find our one true love/soulmate. She refers to psychologist, Gay Hendricks:

“Longing is a persistent lingering feeling of wanting something you can’t quite get or something you’ve judged unattainable.”

In order to find a great guy,

  1. You need to understand what a “great guy” actually means for you.
  2. Stop making excuses for a guy when you don’t get a txt or a call or even a Facebook message from him. We’ve all seen He’s Just Not That Into You. You get it.
  3. Stop assuming that you will turn a corner when you know that it probably won’t or certain commitments won’t materialize.
  4. Be realistic: evaluate yourself and accept the truth.
  5. If you follow D. and remove the impossible future candidates that you’ll never be able to meet, let alone, fall in love with, then hunting for the “appropriate” or “right” man will be easier for you.

Those steps are easier said than done. I have dreams. We all have dreams. Where is my prince charming? I’m back to square one.

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According to Match.com, women have different attractions and partner requirements at different ages. Women who are in the younger class fixate on six packs and the outer appearance. *Hand goes up* Guilty. To be fair, stalking Nick Bateman or Matthew Noszka on Instagram and watching their My Stories is a great past time. (If you didn’t know who they were, you’re welcome) BTW: Matthew Noszka replied to one of my Snapchats. It was great.

Women who are aged 25 to 34 place higher values on guys who are career oriented. Also, guilty. However, this is a very important characteristic in a man as it represents ambition and potential and the lifestyle he can provide when you’re married and have children. Right? Not wrong.

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The big question is, is this perfect man, whether he be a sexy hunk with a chocolate block for a stomach and perfect wind-swept hair that urges you to comb your fingers through, or a rich suit that looks like a Christian Grey/Jamie Dornan with scruff, really that hard to find?

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According to Dr. Lance A. Casazza, the frustrating rut of not achieving the perfect prey in your post-adolescent manhunt game all starts with you. Until you figure out what you need to be a good partner in your future relationship, you will continue choosing the same “bad boys” and in turn, continue to be facing the same ensuing problems. Learn from your previous mistakes and be flexible in your vision.

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All the good ones aren’t taken, surely there’s one for you out there somewhere. There’s over 3 billion men in the world. Perhaps you need to play manhunt on a different field with new strategies.

 


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