There Is Now A Book Dedicated To Naming Hipster Bubs And It Is Absolutely Hilarious

 

Originality when naming your baby is key, particularly if you are a ‘hipster’. You are effortlessly cool of course. If you are in need of something spectacular, look no further than Hipster baby names, a book of 322 really, really, ridiculously good names for your kid.

The author of the book Tobias Anthony told Popsugar that the book came from his experience in Melbourne and the fact that everyone is having kids or at least thinking about it.

“It seems like Kate or Jane or Thomas or James are no longer the acceptable options for children’s names anymore. I’ve been somewhat bombarded by the omnipresent hipster baby name. When you find yourself cornered at a party by an old friend who is genuinely insisting that Lavender would make a good name for a baby girl, what else are you meant to do but write a book?” he said.

 

 

Here are 20 of the most fantastic names from the book.

Azalea: In the words of her namesake, Iggy: “Drop this and let the whole world feel it.” Fancy!

Banksy: A lifetime of graffitied walls and never really getting to know your son awaits you, but who cares? He’ll be raking in millions.

Beryl: Hitting the height of its popularity around 1910 when, inexplicably, it was also a reasonably popular boy’s name, Beryl refers to a sea-green gem. Totes masculine.

Chia: Just like those tiny black seeds you sprinkle into your protein smoothie. But save this name for your third child, the sibling of Wheatgrass and Goji. Hot tip, BTW: save Spirulina for child number four.

Django: Every accessory needs a name and Django is the perfect option for the little boy you dress in plaid trousers and waltz about vintage clothing stores.

East: West.

Fedora: Your favourite hat is now your daughter’s name . . . Yeah, maybe think this one through.

Godric: “Godric’s Tumblr post were the stuff of legends,” they’ll say. This is, of course, after he takes a dive off the tallest building in town. An Old English name that was last popular before the Norman conquest, it popped up once more in JK Rowling’s Harry Potter series, which you already know, of course.

Gyoza: See Bento. One day, we’re going to be consoling ourselves with sushi and telling our children that we’re sorry, but we think we might have broken a system that worked.

Hopper: Whether you like insane American actors who pop up in Lynch movies to inhale gas, chew blue velvet and dry-hump Italian women, or whether you’re just a really big fan of kangaroos, this name’s got you covered.

Jagger: Oh, now this one got that swagger, yo! Just pump up that terrible Maroon 5 song and your son’s life is officially ruined.

Kale: He’s your number-one son. Unfortunately for the world, he’s also the number-one hipster. He likes pop-up stores, drinks artisan water, has a legion of followers on Instagram, where he posts pictures of bespoke terrariums he builds, and he won’t be dining our anywhere unless you can guarantee his deconstructed tofu burger will be smeared on a wooden board.

Latte: Between freelance jobs, walk down to your local cafe with your keep cup (thank you for doing your part to save this dying plant, BTW). Take off the lid and be sure to remove your daughter before they pour in the scalding milk.

Major: Surprisingly less violent and threatening than Magnus, Major is the perfect name for anyone who has never read Joseph Heller’s satirical masterpiece, Catch-22. Some smart bully will cotton on eventually, though, I’m sure. Yes, sir, Major Major Major Major!

Oak: Only the other day someone on the Internet was saying that is they chose this name their extended family would cut them off. I can’t get enough of the real-life drama that crops up online, so I just hope you go with this one. Maybe I’ll be reading about your dilemmas in the months to come. Fingers crossed.

Pixar: This is sort of the inverse of the last one (Piper). Maybe watch some Pixar movies and allow them to inspire the name choice . . .?

Seven: Well, it’s got George Costanza’s approval. That’s something I guess.

Soy: This one was bound to pop up, wasn’t it? Just like the milk you insist on drinking, your precious bundle of joy is going to one day drive us all to distraction. But you don’t care, do you? It’s your lifestyle. Your choice.

Tesla: Sure, you know it’s the surname of a scientist, but nowadays it’s the brand name of an electric car as well. Innovative is the word. He will pick on his little sister, Prius.

Wes: Somewhere between watching The Royal Tenenbaums over and over and listening to your Elliot Smith CDs, you’ve found time to procreate. Lucky us.

Image Credits: Instagram