Right, so you’re in a relationship and things seem to be going well. You’re happy, they’re happy and so everyone’s happy. But sometimes there are arguments, little fights and days where you seem to be tense with each other. Why is this? When you’re having a good day and then suddenly the mood changes leaving you confused about why your partner’s a bit upset or annoyed with you.
Have you ever heard of the five love languages by Dr Gary Chapman? This might sound a bit ‘out there’ but it can really help you to understand what your partner wants out of the relationship. More specifically, we have to start by looking at our own love language in order to understand what we want as well. Basically, we all give love in a certain way of how we want to receive it in return, but this isn’t always the case of how your partner wants to be loved. It seems a bit confusing at first. Gary describes the various ways that couples communicate their love and how we all have our own type of ‘love language’. Understanding what your partner’s love language is makes a big difference. To understand these, let’s begin looking at the five love languages:
This is all about spending time with your partner and enjoying the little things like running errands together. If you value being the main focus when in the company of your partner and feel like you’re getting the most out of your time together, this might be your love language. You need your partner more than anything, this doesn’t mean you’re ‘clingy’, it means that you will feel loved when spending quality time together.
Words of affirmation
“I love you” goes a long way for those who value words of affirmation. Receiving compliments is important if this is your partner’s love language, so saying little things like “wow that dress looks nice on you” will mean the world to them.
Holding her hand while walking down the street or kissing him on the cheek when he comes home from work will be greatly appreciated for people who seek physical touch. Showing appropriate touch and affection will make your loved one feel safe and valued.
If your girlfriend had a bad day at work and she comes home to flowers from you, this would make her feel appreciated and that you thought of her. This love language doesn’t mean that your partner is materialistic, so you don’t have to buy them a plane ticket to Fiji or spend $5000 on a diamond ring but it’s the little things that count that will make them feel loved.
Acts of service
Actions speak louder than words. It doesn’t help that you say and promise things but don’t deliver. Your partner wants to see that you care and one way of showing this is literally ‘showing’ them that you’re there when they need you. Laziness or broken promises won’t help and will actually make them feel like you don’t care at all.
Once you understand what your own love language is, find out or observe what your partner’s is. Remember, we all give love the way we want to receive it, but knowing how to love your partner in the way they want to be loved, can make a very big difference to your relationship.
find out what your love language is here!